Holodeck Horrors
by Julad

This is a sequel to Snozzcumber Stew, but I daresay people will get the general idea without having read the prequel. ;) Be prepared for extreme stupidity and you won't be disappointed.
This was meant to have Seven getting thrown out of an airlock but it just didn't happen.

"She could have at least separated us."

"Shut up."

"Don't you think this is a little extreme?"

"Shut. Up."

"It's not like there was any permanent damage."

"I'm not listening to you."

"I mean, Seven herself said that she didn't blame you for -"

"Don't you *dare* imply that this is my fault."

"Excuse me? Is Mr Dress-me-up-as-Queen-Arachnia Kim going to try denying responsibility?"

"What?!? Okay, *just* for starters, *you're* the one who said black sequins would suit my complexion, and anyway I had no intention of -"

"Oh, right, you were swinging your hips as you stormed through the corridors because you were hating every melodramatic minute."

"I never would have left the holodeck you hadn't made your stupid Robot of Death grope my -"

"Well you liked it when I programmed Dr Chaotica to put his-"

"That was a scream of *pain*, you moron!"

"If only the crew knew how kinky you really are, Harry."

"Well, my only consolation is that they know what a sick fuck you are."

"If you're referring to my unfortunate accident with the holodeck doors..."

"You *came*, Tom. You blew your load. You shot your sugar. You -"

"I know perfectly well what I did, and so does everyone else in the messhall thanks to your shrieking, but I'll have you know that when the doors closed on my -"

"I would have thought you'd be touched that I was so concerned it would be crushed beyond repair."

"You're the one who programmed the Robot of Death to hold me where the doors would-"

"Well I thought the safeties would kick in, didn't I? And besides, if you weren't enjoying it so much, your hard-on would have gone away and there wouldn't have been a problem."

"Well, yeah, except that if the safeties had kept the doors open, you were leaving me trapped naked in the doorway of holodeck two while you trounced off to the messhall to tell B'Elanna she could have me back."

"That's no excuse for what you did when you caught up with me. You know, for my *best friend* you're a pretty lousy -"

"Oh, you tried to crush my dick but *I'm* in trouble for merely ripping off your -"

"I really *liked* that dress!"

"Save your tears, I've already heard enough, what with Neelix weeping over his -"

"He spent hours making that cake, you filthy brute."

"Oh, you're the one who hid behind it, don't imply that you weren't begging to be -"

"Oh, so running from a naked screaming maniac is an engraved invitation to be dumped face-first into Naomi Wildman's birthday cake?"

"You should just be glad she thought it was a show for the party."

"She's going to need a lot of therapy when she realises that you spanking me with my sceptre *wasn't* for her entertainment!"

"Oh, and what you did when you got away is really going to -"

"You *deserved* that champagne right where you got it, Paris."

"Oh, and I suppose Tuvok *deserved* your cum right where it -"

"Hey, you were writhing so hard on the table -"

"Do have any idea what it was like with those bubbles in my -"

"I'll have you know that when you grabbed Seven's -"

"I was trying not to fall off the table! That was an *accident*!"

"And so was what I did when you pulled her costume off!"

"I don't care! I'll never forgive you for coming over anybody but me."

". . ."

"Oh, god, don't cry, Harry."

"I'm sorry, Tom. I didn't mean it. I was pretty excited over you too, you know."

"I know, I know. Come here, baby. I didn't mean it, either."

"Okay. Just don't do that with the robot again."

"I won't. I'll delete it as soon as Janeway lets us out."


"So now we've only got one problem."

"What's that?"

"What on earth are we going to do for two damn weeks in this stupid cell."

"Hmmm.... I *wonder*."

"Hey, Harry..."


"I've got this great idea for another holoprogram."

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