Snozzcumber Stew
by Julad

<rushing onto the playing field> Late, late, I'm always late! Again, my only excuse is sudden, debilitating Highlander obsession. But don't worry, I'm on a ten-step program already. <grin>
The challenge was:
* 1,000 word maximum
* You can't use Tom or Harry's name
* You can't use physical descriptions of them either
Umm, as usual I have no idea what this is, but there seems to be a big tip of the hat to Roald Dahl here. Remembering the size and flavour of them in BFG... <snicker> And thanks to, was it Maigret? who reminded us that they're both ensigns now. <g>
Inspired by the fight I'm soon gonna have with Anagi about who hasn't been responding to somebody's email. ;)

"Captain, I take no responsibility for this debacle. It was entirely his idea."

"I beg to differ. He's the one who mentioned in the mess hall that the snozzcumbers bore a suggestive resemblance to..."

"Hey, that was a simple observation! I wasn't the one who said he'd distract Neelix while..."

"I was *joking*! I didn't think you'd actually go ahead and raid the storage cupboards when I..."

"I know you too well, Ensign. Much as you love a good joke, you hate bad food more. You wouldn't call Neelix over to praise his Snozzcumber Stew if you weren't serious about..."

"Okay, but there was no need for you to take six of them!"

"Oh, no? You said three for me, and three for you. You're just lucky that..."

"Don't act like its *my* fault that you do whatever I say."

"If I did whatever you said, we'd be in even *more* trouble right now."

"Yeah? Well I didn't hear you objecting when I suggested we put the longest Snozzcumber in your..."

"I couldn't if I wanted to, since the thickest one was down my throat already."

"Still, you can't deny that doing all this in the turbolift was your idea."

"Ha! Only because *you* wanted to do it in the corridor!"

"It's not my fault you started stripping in the mess hall while I was cornered by Neelix's enthusiastic recital of recipes involving..."

"At the time you thanked me for creating the diversion that got you out of there."

"Look, all this argument is pointless because ultimately, it was *YOU* who blindfolded his *BEST FRIEND* with his regulation boxers and..."

"Only when you begged for it!"

"Only because I was gonna come too soon, the way you were carrying on with that snozzcumber and your..."

"You're blaming *me* for your premature ejaculation?!?"

"YES, but my point *was*..."

"...because let me tell you, buddy, that the stimulation you were giving yourself with..."

"Hey, that wasn't my idea!"

"Yeah, well it wasn't my cum on the turbolift ceiling so you must have liked the proposition."

"I may have liked it but I didn't want to demonstrate the fact in front of fifteen crewmembers!"

"Oh, but who was I to interrupt an activity you were enjoying even more than gallivanting around in 20th century monochromatic..."

"A true friend would have *warned* me that the turbolift doors had opened!"

"You're the one who told it to go to the bridge. I could only assume that you *wanted*..."

"I can't believe you even got me *started*, knowing that the turbo-lift only takes forty-five seconds to go from deck six to..."

"GENTLEMEN!!!! I have heard *ENOUGH*!"

"Oh!" "Yes, captain." "Sorry, captain."

"Replicator privileges suspended for one month, effective immediately. *You* are on double shifts in engineering until further notice..."

"Yes ma'am."

"...and *you* will be dividing your waking hours between Sickbay and the mess hall until I decide otherwise."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And I want you to hand over the holo-images you both made during your little adventure."

"Oh, no...." "But, Captain!"

"NOW."

"Give them to her." "I'm gonna kill you, you know!" "Not if I kill you first!"

"Thank-you, Ensigns. You can retrieve these from the morale officer's Happy News Notice Board in one month's time. Dismissed."


"Great. Thanks a lot."

"Oh, come on. It was fun! Don't you think it was worth it?"

"I guess so... what are you laughing at?"

"Can you imagine the discipline we'd have suffered if she'd caught us that time in the conference room?"

"Uh uh. No way. Only you would have been busted that time. I clearly had nothing to do with the broken chairs, and the burns on the viewscreen were..."



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