I Want
I want tomato soup, that isn't made by a replicator. With little oyster crackers. And a grilled cheese sandwich, that's actually been grilled, in butter. With the edges slightly burnt and the cheese melted perfectly. I want to drink real scotch. Not synthohol, not bootlegged fuel, but real one hundred fifty year old single malt scotch. The kind that makes you warm when you smell it. So smooth that the burn of it going down is sweet. I want to eat Neelix's cooking and like it. I want...

...to beat the Captain at pool, every time. I want to be at Sandrine's, in Marseilles, when I do. I want to be held by a Sandrine that isn't a holograph. One that smells like violets. One who loves me regardless of the things I've done. Or am going to do. I want to tell Ricki I'm sorry. I want to tell a lot of people I'm sorry, that I was wrong. I want to tell others that I was right. I want Chakotay to hear it and smile. I want...

...to break warp 10 again and be everywhere at once, without turning into a lizard when I do. I want to fly Voyager home. I want to park her on the steps of Starfleet Headquarters and shout that I did it. Thomas Eugene Paris; murderer, liar, traitor, convict, brought her home. Me. I want my father to see it and keel over in shock. I want him to look up at me and know that I will not be beaten down by him any longer. I want my mother to be alive to see it. I want...

...Kes to come back. I miss her ears. They reminded me of shells at the beach. I want to look into those wide eyes and feel her serenity flow over me. I want to argue with Neelix over her. I want to make Tuvok smile, for one brief instant, to grant some small relief from the bond that pulls at him. I want B'Elanna to crinkle her ridges and believe she's beautiful, and recognize the truth of it in my eyes. I want Harry to remain untouched by the blackness that surrounds us. Surrounds me. I want...

...to sleep in tomorrow. And take the day off. Then maybe another. I want to lie in bed and snuggle. And make love, fall asleep, and do it all over when we wake up. I want a bigger bed. I want larger quarters. And more hot water for my showers. I want...

...to fly. Eternally. I want to skim Voyager off of the nearest planet's atmosphere and do barrel rolls until I'm sick. I want my own shuttlecraft. One that would take me anywhere. I want to go on shore leave and not get arrested, attacked, or abducted. I want to pretend I've never seen the inside of a prison. I want to forget and I want absolution. I want to remember. I want to *be* remembered. For the good things, not the bad. I want things that I can't have. Ever. I want...

"Tom?" *I don't need anyone to choose my friends for me.*

I want....

"It's late, is everything all right?" *Are you afraid? Me too.*

I want...

"Come back to bed." *I owe you one.*

I want...

"Mmm, I love you." *This man is my friend. Nobody touches him.*

I want for nothing.

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Disclaimer: These characters belong to Paramount and the author makes no claims upon them - no copyright infrigement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and there is no monetary gain.