The Queer as Folk Grocery Store Challenge

Can't Beat 'Em
by Rei Kinneas / Pandoraiam

Sometimes, Justin thinks that spending time with Brian and Daphne is actually more like babysitting.  In fact, it's nights like these that he's sorry he ever introduced them.

It's nearing 10 pm and he's just finished a double shift at the diner.  He works a lot of double shifts now because it's not like he has anything else to do.  So he's tired, and he smells like greasy diner food, and the grocery store is ridiculously crowded for this hour.

And Brian and Daphne aren't helping.

They've finally managed to move beyond the produce section, but not without Brian pointing out every single phallic vegetable while Daphne giggles continuously.  As they move past the chips and cookies aisle Brian graces them all with a meticulous counting of every single calorie in a variety of products and exactly what your body will look like afterward; Daphne looks at him, awed, and slightly afraid.  When they pass the bottles of chocolate syrup, Daphne's eyes light up and she begins to tell a story that Justin wasn't sure he wanted to hear the first time, let alone subsequent times.  Brian just grins lewdly and congratulates her.  Then he asks if the guy had a big cock.

By the time Justin's throwing loaves of bread into the cart (white for Daphne, wheat for Brian), he's ready to tear out his hair.  So when he realizes that it's gone silent while he's picking out guava juice, he's mostly just relieved.  It isn't until he puts the white grape juice in the cart that it occurs to him to wonder where they've gone and what they're doing.

He doesn't have the energy for this.  It's bad enough that he has to do the shopping for both of them, and that no one's actually decided which apartment he's actually living in.  He decides not to care what they're doing.

He's heading over to aisle eight for Daphne's vegetable ramen when he hears it.

"You promised, Brian!  You promised!"  Daphne's voice has the same shrill tone that it gets when she argues with her mother, and Justin feels a sinking sensation in his stomach.  Brian's reply is too soft to be deciphered, but whatever it is, it can't be good.

Justin finds them in the middle of aisle six, where a small crowd has already gathered.

"I know you're having an affair, Brian!" Daphne continues, her eyes shining with tears.  "And that's not the worst it.  I ? I ?"

"Spit it out already."  Brian is cold and implacable.

"I'm pregnant you prick!"  Daphne bursts out.  From behind the crowd, Justin stifles his giggles.  "You knocked me up and now you're fucking some slut behind my back!"  The crowd gasps and leans in just a little further.

"Is that all?  Don't worry about it, we'll make an appointment."

"I don't want a fucking appointment, I want you to keep your dick in your pants!"

Justin can't stop smiling now.  He takes one last look at the half full shopping cart and shrugs.  If you can't beat 'em....

"Brian?" he speaks up as he makes his way through the crowd.  "Brian is that you?"  Everyone is looking at him now, but he just looks at Brian, and then Daphne.

"Brian, who the fuck is this?"

THE END